🥯 150+ Bagel Puns That’ll Hole Your Heart with Laughter 2025! 😂

If you thought bagels were just for breakfast, you’re in for a tasty surprise.

Bagels are round, chewy, and oh-so-satisfying—but they also happen to be the ultimate food for puns.

Whether you’re looking for a caption to spice up your Instagram brunch post, a clever one-liner for a foodie friend, or simply a joke to “fill the hole” in your day, bagel puns are the perfect recipe.

From everything bagels to plain ones, from schmear to sesame, we’ve kneaded together 150+ of the funniest bagel jokes, puns, and wordplays.

Get ready to laugh, share, and maybe even crave a carb-loaded snack by the time you’re done. Trust me—these puns will not be “stale.”

🥯 Did You Know?

The world’s largest bagel weighed 868 pounds and was made in New York in 2004. That’s a hole lot of dough!

Funny Bagel Puns Captions

You’re my everything bagel.
Hole lotta love right here.
Don’t go bacon my bagel.
Bagel it till you make it.
Spread happiness like cream cheese.
Bagels are my bread and butter.
Hole in one—bagel edition.
Life is butter with bagels.
My love is un-hole-y strong.
Feeling grate-ful for my bagel.
Don’t be salty unless you’re a pretzel bagel.
Bagel vibes only.
In carbs we crust.

Funny Bagel Puns One Liners

A bagel a day keeps the grumpy away.
Bagels are circles of trust.
That bagel joke was a little stale.
Never desert a dessert bagel.
Life without bagels is un-hole-y.
Bagels are proof carbs are heaven-sent.
Donut underestimate a bagel.
My bagel brings all the schmear to the yard.
Bagels are wheely good.
I loaf you more than bagels.
Bagels: round but well-rounded.
Hole lotta emotions in this bagel.
Bagels rise to every occasion.

Short Funny Bagel Puns

Bagel boss.
Hole-y moly.
Schmear joy.
Carb queen.
Love at first bite.
Bagel bae.
Hole-hearted.
Dough-lightful.
Bagelicious.
Rye not bagel.
Hole lotta carbs.
Circle of yum.
Poppy star.

Clever Bagel Puns for Instagram

Rise and grind with bagels.
Bagel goals unlocked.
Hole truth, nothing but the truth.
Bagel therapy in progress.
Schmear happiness today.
Bagel made me do it.
Hole-y breakfast vibes.
Rolling with my bagel squad.
Bagel power is real.
Everything bagel, everything nice.
Bagel, camera, action.
Be the schmear you want to see in the world.
Bagel day keeps the stress away.

Best Bagel-Themed Wordplay Jokes

Why don’t bagels get invited to parties? Because they’re a little plain.
What do you call a bagel that can fly? A plain bagel.
Why do bagels make terrible detectives? They always crumble under pressure.
How do bagels say goodbye? “See you a-round!”
Why did the bagel break up with cream cheese? It found butter.
Why don’t bagels fight? They don’t want to get into a jam.
What’s a bagel’s favorite movie? “Dough Hard.”
Why was the bagel so popular? It was well-rounded.
What’s a bagel’s life motto? “Keep rollin’.”
Why don’t bagels play hide and seek? Too many holes give them away.
What’s a bagel’s favorite holiday? Hole-iday season.
Why did the bagel blush? It saw the toaster naked.
How do bagels greet each other? “Long time no seed!”

Witty Bagel Puns for Social Media

Bagels > problems.
Hole some goodness right here.
Brunch without bagels? Absurd.
Bagel mood all day.
I knead this bagel.
Circle of carbs, circle of life.
Bagels never loaf alone.
Bagel therapy > retail therapy.
Hole lotta love in my feed.
Carb loading = soul loading.
Bagels give me inner piece.
Dough is where the heart is.
Bagel gang strong.

Clean and Family-Friendly Bagel Jokes

Why did the bagel go to school? To get a little “bread-ucation.”
What’s a bagel’s favorite pet? A bread-dog.
Why did the bagel sit in the sun? It wanted to be toasty.
What do you call a bagel that tells jokes? A pun-dough.
Why did the bagel cross the road? To schmear itself with butter.
What’s a bagel’s favorite sport? Roll-er skating.
Why did the bagel join the choir? It loved dough-re-mi.
What do bagels use to text? A bread-phone.
Why was the bagel excited? It rose to the occasion.
How do bagels travel? On a roll.
What’s a bagel’s favorite instrument? The bread-drum.
Why was the bagel always smiling? It had a hole lot of joy.
What’s a bagel’s favorite toy? Dough blocks.

Punny Bagel Quotes That’ll Crack You Up

“Don’t worry, bagel happy.”
“Bagels: the circle of trust.”
“In crust we trust.”
“Bagels are my love language.”
“Life’s better with a schmear.”
“Bagels: a hole new world.”
“A bagel a day keeps sad away.”
“Bagels are love at first bite.”
“Bagels complete me.”
“Spread kindness like cream cheese.”
“Bagels > therapy.”
“Bagels are my daily grind.”
“Everything I am, I owe to bagels.”

Bagel Puns for Tourists and Travelers

When in New York, bagel or bust.
Traveling is just an excuse for bagels.
Bagels around the world, one bite at a time.
Every trip needs a bagel stop.
Jet lag cured by bagels.
Bagel passport stamped.
Bagels: the real souvenir.
Plane, train, and bagel.
Wandering for bagels.
Global schmear vibes.
Bagel pit stop, mandatory.
Touristy with a side of bagels.
Bagel sightseeing squad.

Silly & Sassy Bagel Wordplay

Bagel-licious babe.
Schmear queen.
Sass with a bagel pass.
Bagel squad goals.
Extra schmear, extra flair.
Bagel bossy vibes.
Serving hole-y attitude.
Bagel-tastic diva.
Carb sass level: high.
Schmear sparkle everywhere.
Bagelicious sass attack.
Hole-y queen energy.
Bagel and slay.

Iconic Sayings with a Bagel Twist

To bagel or not to bagel, that is the question.
A bagel in hand is worth two in the bakery.
Keep your friends close and your bagels closer.
Bagel once, shame on you; bagel twice, shame on me.
Home is where the bagel is.
Bagels speak louder than words.
The early bird gets the bagel.
When life gives you lemons, trade for bagels.
All’s fair in love and bagels.
Don’t count your bagels before they rise.
A rolling bagel gathers no schmear.
Better late than bagel.
Bagel makes the heart grow fonder.

Share-Worthy Bagel Puns for Every Mood

Happy? Bagel time.
Sad? Bagel hug.
Tired? Bagel fuel.
Excited? Bagel cheer.
Bored? Bagel play.
Hungry? Bagel duh.
Lazy? Bagel lounge.
Romantic? Bagel love.
Angry? Bagel chill.
Creative? Bagel art.
Silly? Bagel giggles.
Motivated? Bagel hustle.
Grateful? Bagel blessings.

FAQs

What are some funny bagel puns for Instagram?

Try captions like “Bagel it till you make it” or “Hole truth, nothing but the truth.”

What’s the difference between a bagel pun and a donut pun?

Bagel puns focus on schmear, holes, and carbs, while donut puns are more about sweetness and sprinkles.

Are bagel puns family-friendly?

Yes! Most bagel puns are clean, wholesome, and perfect for all ages.

Why are bagel puns so popular online?

They’re short, funny, and perfect for captions, memes, and quick laughs.

Can I use bagel puns in marketing?

Absolutely! They’re catchy, memorable, and great for food brands, cafes, or social media posts.

Conclusion

And there you have it—a hole lot of laughs, over 150 bagel puns to fill your day with joy, carbs, and clever wordplay.

Whether you’re posting on Instagram, cracking jokes at brunch, or just kneading a reason to smile, these puns are your perfect schmear of happiness.

🥯 Now it’s your turn: which bagel pun is your favorite? Share it with friends, tag it on socials, or just roll with it in your daily chats. Life’s butter with bagels—and with puns too!

Jasper Kane